


Thin White Lines

by MostFacinorous



Series: Binding Lines [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Holiday Fic Exchange, M/M, holiday stoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5803009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostFacinorous/pseuds/MostFacinorous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is on Earth to make up for some of the crimes he committed, and Steve is trying to help him acclimate, so that he can be of use. Feelings get tangled up in that, though, and things get a little messy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

“What is this, Thor?”

Steve's voice broke through the hubbub from his other teammates when Thor appeared, his brother in tow.

He was on a lead-- and the image didn't sit particularly well with Steve, but neither did the one of Loki running amok and potentially destroying New York.

_ Again _ .

 

“Asgard's laws of recompense.” Thor spoke with an almost hesitant gravity.

 

“Which are what?” Natasha asked, words somewhere between sharp and drawled. Steve shot her a grateful look; she, unlike Tony and Clint and Bruce, seemed to be in the game and not just reacting. Not that he could blame them, but it was nice to have a solid voice of reason standing next to him.

 

“Loki's crimes against Midgard are great enough to warrant his death. The laws of recompense allow him to do what he can to reverse his damage and lighten his sentence accordingly. He will, of course, be punished for the lives he took, the damage which is irreversible, but for the rest--” Thor broke off, looking hopeful. “If you will allow it, we may save my brother. My friends, I would not ask this of you if I had another choice.”

 

“You think he doesn't deserve it, after all that?” Tony asked, but not with any real conviction behind the words. Thor just turned to look at him, and it seemed to be answer enough; Tony raised his hands.

 

“I don't like it.” Clint said, arms crossed, and Steve couldn't blame him for that, either, especially when, a moment later, he shook his head, “I'm not so into the death sentence, though. It's one thing if it happens, if it's necessary in the moment, but after the fact...”

 

Bruce nodded.

“He shouldn't stay here.” He said. “Too much that he could use against us. Tony's tech, intel he could gather... me...” He looked around at the rest of them, and Steve knew he was looking for any sign of them being upset about that statement. He was still skittish, still trying to come to terms with being part of a group, with having a place. Like he could lose it if any of them came to their senses.

 

“Agreed. Plus I'll just sleep better with him under a different roof.” Natasha added.

 

Steve realized then that they were all looking to him for a decision. As the team leader.

 

“Loki?” He found himself asking, almost before the thought was fully formed.

“What are your feelings on all of this?”

 

Thor's brother had stood very still through it all, his face very carefully blank, even as his eyes shifted from one of them to the next, obviously listening, but offering no clue as to what he was thinking, which Steve found disconcerting at best.

 

“A last hurrah before I spend the remainder of my days in a small room? Delightful.” His words came out dry and acerbic. Steve felt his eyes narrowing.

 

“Would you rather just be killed?” He asked, maybe a little sharply. Loki just glared at him.

 

“Rather than debase myself by scrubbing at the grime of your realm? I dare say.”

“Loki.” Thor managed to turn his brother's name into a thunderous warning rumble, and Steve found his brows bunching. “Please, Captain.” Thor turned his eyes to him, looking exhausted. “It is his last chance.”

 

“I get that, Thor. I do. But, if he's going to resent it, if he's not actually interested in the opportunity, then he represents a potential danger, not just to us-- because you realize we'll need to babysit him-- but to anyone else he might encounter in however long he's here, doing whatever it is you and your people think he can do to make things better.”

 

He'd kept his eyes on Thor while he spoke, but once he got the words out, he looked to his teammates. Natasha nodded slightly, approving. Tony looked pleased, Bruce looked thoughtful, and Clint was staring at Loki with eyes narrowed so much, Steve would think they were closed if not for the grimace he pointed in that direction.

 

“And what is it you plan to do with me, if I say that I mean to do as I am supposed to? If I agree to work hard and do good?” Loki was staring at him with unnerving intensity.

 

“I--” Steve stopped, organizing his thoughts a little better. “Tony, you've been trying to talk me into moving in to the tower. If I do that, Thor and Loki can take over my apartment.” He flicked his eyes toward Tony to make sure the offer was still open; he nodded. That settled, he looked back at Loki. “We would have to come up with a system-- obviously Thor can't be around all the time to keep an eye on you.”

 

“Objection.” Clint said, raising his hand, and Steve nodded.

“No one who doesn't want to has to pull a rotation. If it's down to just Thor and I, that's fine. It's still better than leaving him alone with the responsibility.”

 

Thor's shoulders slumped a little in relief, and Steve felt bad. Of course this had to be hard for their friend.

 

“As for the actual work you'd be doing... there are a lot of ways for you to volunteer with your own two hands. But we'd need to sit down and talk about where your strengths actually lie, what you can do with your magic...  _ If _ you were serious about this.”

Steve crossed his arms, looking pointedly at Loki.

 

“Well, given how it seems it will throw at least some of your lives into a relative state of chaos, I suppose it does align with some of my interests. I will make an attempt... for now.”

 

Thor looked hopefully at Steve, and, though he was intensely uneasy about the whole thing, he tipped his head forward just the same.

 

“Thor, Loki, come with me. I'm going back to my apartment to pack; everyone else, I'll meet you back here in three hours. We'll have a meeting about what needs to be done. Then, Thor, I'll meet you back at my place after to finalize plans.” Steve wasn't entirely sure how he'd become the go-between, other than him being the one least personally affected by Loki's last visit. It made sense, he supposed.

 

They'd all taken Coulson's death pretty hard, but other than the brief spar they'd had in Germany... Steve hadn't been mind controlled like Clint, or threatened personally like Natasha. He hadn't been targeted and goaded into transforming, like Bruce, and he unlike Tony, he didn't suffer from nightmares of dying in space while an army overtook the earth.

 

All in all, he'd come out of the battle for New York amazingly unscathed, if you didn't count a gaping hole in his side. Which he didn't, since it was healed in a few days anyway. And besides, he was supposed to be the leader. It was his job to keep his people safe, and this would accomplish that.

He hoped.

 

“I'm going to call into SHIELD, let them know what's up. Get them to cover your rent for the foreseeable future.” Natasha murmured to him under her breath, her back turned to Loki and Thor-- so they couldn't read her lips or hear her, Steve realized. “I'll take a turn in the schedules, watching him. Clint shouldn't, same with Tony and Bruce. But you, Thor and I should be alright.”

 

Steve nodded, then clasped her shoulder appreciatively.

“Thanks. I'll talk to everyone when I get back. Shouldn't take us too long.”

 

It really didn't, especially when Thor gathered an indignant Loki up, tossed him over his shoulder, held his arm out to Steve, and sent Mjolnir to twirling.

They landed outside of Steve's apartment a minute or so later.

 

“Handy way to miss traffic.” Steve said, mainly to cover for the way his stomach was churning and how uncomfortable he'd been to be mashed together in close proximity with the Asgardians.

 

Loki glared at him for the comment, and that almost made it worth it.

 

Thor laughed, though it wasn't quite as honest as his normal laughter.

“I have found it to be of much use, yes. I am afraid you will have to travel back through more traditional means, bearing your possessions.”

 

“Yeah, I know. That's alright. I'll manage.”

The reminder of losing his home  _ again _ was sobering, and Steve let them in and led them upstairs while he began mentally cataloging what he needed to take-- and what they would need. He did his best to ignore the way Loki looked around, sizing the apartment building up and clearly disapproving. He opened the door and stood aside.

 

“You're going to have to get another bed. There's a second room through there, it's an office right now but with a little work... I can help with that if you need me to. I'll leave the furniture and dishes and all, Tony will have plenty...”

 

“How  _ very _ kind of you.” Loki said bitterly, as he surveyed his new home. Behind him, Thor unclipped the leash he'd had on Loki from the collar at his neck.

Steve stiffened, and watched as Thor elbowed his brother as if he didn't pose any threat at all.

 

“Why don't you make yourself comfortable? I'll just be in here packing.” Steve figured it was best to disengage. Loki was probably just like this because he was off kilter and in a new environment, and even if that wasn't the case, Steve knew he was a little off himself. He headed for his room, leaving Thor to look through the cabinets and Loki running his fingers over the spines of Steve's bookshelf.

 

He pulled his empty bag out from underneath the bed, where it lived between missions, and took a deep breath.

This wasn't so bad. At least he'd be around people he knew. It wasn't like shipping off to war, wasn't like he was going to be asleep for almost another century.

He dumped the contents of his sock and underwear drawer into his bag, and followed it up with his workout gear.

 

“And what could you possibly have to pack, Captain? It is positively spartan in here.”

 

Steve straightened up from where he had been bent over his bed, arranging his clothing so that more would fit.

 

“You need something, Loki?” He asked, turning to face him, and to hide the raised hairs on the back of his neck. He didn't like that he'd been able to sneak up like that. He should have been paying more attention.

 

“I am only, as you said, making myself comfortable.”

Steve tensed further when Loki approached him, but turned to watch when he moved around him to slide gracefully onto Steve's bed.

His bed, now, Steve supposed.

 

“Such an expansive wardrobe.” Loki mocked lightly, as he took in Steve's blue, white, and grey shirts.

 

“Yeah, you know, leather and metal's not really my thing.” He gritted out, annoyed at the interruption.

He watched as Loki cast a considering eye from head to toe, and tried not to fidget under the look.

 

“Perhaps it should be.” He told him, smirking faintly, and Steve wasn't entirely sure what to make of that, but was fortunately saved by Thor coming into the room.

 

Now, for as high as the rent was, the place wasn't exactly Buckingham Palace. A room that felt empty with one person in it definitely felt crowded with three.

 

“Loki, there you are! Apologies Captain, I had wondered where he'd gone.”

 

Steve's brow creased, and he turned his back on Loki to take Thor's arm.

“Can I have a word with you?”

 

Loki crossed his legs behind him, casually knocking Steve's bag onto the floor, and Steve looked back over his shoulder to glare at him.

 

“Of course.” Thor said, clearly eager to disarm whatever situation was brewing.

 

They retreated to the living room, Steve abandoning his clothing to Loki's temper, at least for the moment.

 

“What is it, Steve? I apologize for his behavior; he is... being difficult.” Thor didn't bother lowering his voice, and Steve knew Loki would hear it. He pinched at the bridge of his nose.

 

“That's fine, I don't expect any different. What I wanted to ask is how we're gonna keep him under control when he can just magic himself away, and if you have any idea why he hasn't, yet.”

 

Thor held up his palm to reveal a thin white scar in the shape of a triknot, traced into his skin.

“He bears the same.” He explained. “We have been bound together for the duration of his stay. If he flees, all I need do is exert my will, and he will be forced to return. Thus--” Thor closed his hand around the mark, and Steve heard a muffled sound from his bedroom, but sure enough, half a second later, Loki was there, albeit slightly out of breath.

 

“ _ What? _ ” He snapped. “Showing off for your fr--”

 

“Return to the room and right the Captain's bag.” Thor commanded, and Steve could see Loki straining against whatever was compelling him before he groaned and spoke as if the words were being ripped from him.

“I already have.”

 

Thor opened his hand and immediately Loki relaxed.

 

“I was demonstrating for Steve Asgard's precautions. If you did not fight it so, you would not have such difficulties.” Thor spoke softly, gently, his words full of care, but Steve couldn't decide how he felt about this. On the one hand, it was good to know that if Loki tried anything, Thor could stop him. On the other, what if Thor didn't get to him in time? And what's more... taking away Loki's free will... if he could be ordered into doing what he was supposed to, what was the point? He wouldn't grow anything but resentful from that.

 

Plus, after seeing how Clint had dealt-- was still dealing-- with Loki having done something similar to him...

No, Steve didn't like it.

He resolved to keep an eye on it.

 

“Thank you.” He said, less gently than Thor, but without any of the ire he'd felt from before. “For fixing the bag for me. I need to finish packing now... if you'll wait just a few more minutes, the room will be yours.”

 

Loki sneered wordlessly, but looked away, refusing to meet Steve's eye. He could see the way his fingers twitched, probably eager to wipe at the sweat that had beaded at his hairline, but it seemed he was too proud to let Steve or Thor see him do so.

 

He was embarrassed, Steve realized.

 

“Alright.” Steve said. He returned to his room, and was surprised to see the bag where he'd left it, spilled out on the floor, one pair of his socks halfway under the bed.

 

Loki had  _ lied _ . Under the duress of the binding spell, he'd managed to lie.

 

Some of his squeamishness with the apparent total control Thor supposedly had on his brother abated. If Loki could fight it... sure, it wasn't ideal. It didn't make Steve feel  _ safer _ . But at least it meant that Loki had his own will left to him, under whatever spell was woven into their palms.

 

Steve just hoped they didn't expect him to join the club. He didn't think that he could stand to have that sort of power over anyone else.

Even Loki.

\---

 

Back at Avengers Tower, Clint had apparently destroyed the dart board in one of the rec rooms, Natasha was putting in phone calls to the people in charge of interplanetary relations, and Tony was quietly sipping a tumbler of amber liquid.

 

Bruce was absent, but that wasn't all that uncommon. No doubt he wanted to get in some meditation time before they had their meeting about Loki.

 

Steve wasn't good at sitting with his thoughts and not getting worked up about things, but if he was better at it, he probably would have joined him.

 

Instead, he cleared his throat.

 

“Avengers meeting in half an hour.” He announced, and got nods from everyone and Tony's offer to let Bruce know, and then... then he went to the room that would be his from then on and started re-rolling his shirts into the drawers of the dresser that was already waiting for him.

 

He left himself more to do after, well aware that he'd probably need something to keep his hands busy.

 

The faces of his teammates when he reached the meeting room were somber, some openly concerned. He cleared his throat.

 

“So. Loki.” He opened with, well aware that it wasn't a particularly eloquent speech. He sighed, wiping one hand over his face. “I don't need to say what a pain this is going to be. Before you all begin registering your objections, know that Thor's...  _ bound _ to him. Some sort of magic spell on both their hands, so that all he has to do is make a fist and order Loki around, and Loki has to do it. Is compelled.” He looked from one face to the next, registering as Clint blanched and Tony sat up straighter.

 

“I don’t know how seriously Thor takes that, based on the demonstration he gave me. But Loki can resist it, and he can still lie while under the influence. I haven't seen him ordered not to lie, yet, but... there you have it. We have a Loki who can't run off without being dragged back. We have Thor and Loki staying in my apartment. And we need to keep eyes on him and come up with stuff for him to do. Options, ideas, opinions?”

 

He opened the floor up to the others, already bracing for the battering his decisions were going to cause him.

 

Natasha spoke up first, just to make sure the others knew what she had already decided.

“I'll go on the schedule for a share of Loki sitting duty. I think we should try to work it so that, during the day at least, one of us is there as much as possible. Thor is a good guy but he’s new to this world, still.” She said firmly. He noticed that she shot a glare Clint's way, and he watched as the archer looked away, though whether out of annoyance or embarrassment, he couldn't tell.

 

So she'd told him before, and he didn't approve. No surprise there.

“I'm out.” Clint muttered.

 

“Me too. For obvious reasons.” Banner added.

 

“I could--”

“No, Tony.” Natasha cut him off immediately.

“Well do we at least get a chance to check out how this binding thing works?” He asked.

 

Steve had to huff out a small laugh. Of course that was Stark's angle-- he shook his head a little.

“Give me a little bit, just to feel out how Loki's going to behave about all of this. If I think it's safe to bring him around, I'll let you know.”

Tony put on a petulant pout, but didn't object-- which, Steve knew, was as good as agreement coming from him.

 

“As far as things to have him do-- why not take him on a tour of all of the volunteer positions? Homeless shelters, food kitchens, however much volunteer clean up crew work is left. Get him to help the people he hurt.” Bruce suggested, and Steve nodded.

 

“I like that, and it's on the list of things I want to do, but I was wondering if anyone had ideas for things he could do that no one else could. Magic stuff.”

 

“Not til I know what all he can do.” Tony told him promptly, and Steve gave him an unimpressed look. Tony raised his hands. “It's just the truth. Until we know his abilities, I can't give advice on how to use him to the best of his potential.”

 

Steve had to give him that.

“Okay, so I should talk to him, get to know him. Figure out what he's good for.”

 

“I can help with that.” Natasha offered, and Steve eyed her almost warily.

 

“While I appreciate your input, I don't want you intimidating him. With that magic thrown in the mix, if we push too hard... it would be easy to cross the line and stop being the good guys.”

 

“And with his magic thrown in, we have to remember that he already is a bad guy.” She pointed out sensibly.

Steve shook his head.

 

“That's where we have to be careful. If we approach it expecting that this reforming is just going to be an act, he'll just rebel against it. It's like a kid who falls down-- the parents act like it's bad, they'll freak out. The parents act like it's no big deal...”

 

“So you plan to just treat him like he's never done anything wrong in his life?”

Clint was bitter, and Steve understood. He took a deep breath, well aware of the line he was going to need to be walking, now.

 

“That's not what I'm saying at all.” Steve insisted. “I'm saying we have to make him atone for what he's done without projecting him being anything but good in the future.”

 

“Tall order, Cap. Even for you.” Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “You think you're up for it?”

 

Steve looked around at his teammates' faces, and took in everyone's looks of concern and disbelief.

“I guess I had better be,” he mumbled, mostly to himself.


	2. Two

Steve was the first one to relieve Thor, two days into their time on Earth, and Thor looked grateful enough that it made Steve nervous. He'd barely put his book bag down before the door was opening and closing, and Thor was gone with just a few words about him going to get a second bed.

 

Loki grinned sharply at him from his spot on Steve's couch.

 

“So it seems you find yourself alone with me. Are you rethinking your position of forgiveness, yet? Regretting volunteering?”

He unfolded his legs and stood, giving the impression that he was uncoiling, snake-like.

 

“Nope.” Steve told him, refusing to fall into whatever game Loki was trying to play. Intimidation, it looked like.

He'd picked the wrong person to try that particular trick on.

“I was thinking we should go get you guys some food. I didn't leave you much. Cooking for one's never been my forte, but I figure, there's a bodega around the corner. We'll go get you some ingredients and see what you can do, see if you can feed yourself here.” Steve felt himself shrugging, and was almost pleased when Loki scowled.

He wasn't giving him much of a choice in this, but he was just going to have to deal.

 

“And why should it be I who cooks? Thor is the one responsible for us.” Loki seemed absolutely resistant, and his body language screamed it-- he had his arms crossed and his feet planted shoulder width apart-- like he expected a fight, but was on the defensive.

 

“Well, your attack left a lot of people without homes, or jobs... threw a lot of peoples' livelihoods out the window and off-kilter. So I thought we might take you to a soup kitchen, get you to do a little work helping to feed some people. But first I need to know what you already know how to do.”

 

“So this is a test.” Loki said flatly, clearly unimpressed. “You could ask me what I am capable of, but you have no reason to believe me, so you would rather test me instead.”

 

Steve frowned at that.

“No, I could ask what you're capable of, but most of those experiences are going to be irrelevant. Cooking over pit fires has very little in common with using a stove.”

 

“You assume to know of my life on Asgard. Why? Because of Thor? You assume that because he has never learned to care for himself, no one else on Asgard is capable? I cook. I clean my own rooms. Tend to my own horses. Not all of us used the title of prince as an excuse not to learn.” He spoke hotly, and probably more words at once than Steve had heard from him all at once before, and it left him flushed with embarrassment.

 

“You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't assume like that. But either way, you're going to need food here  _ to _ cook. So... do you want to come to the bodega with me?”

This time it  _ was _ a choice, and it seemed to soothe Loki's ruffled feathers.

 

“Yes.” He answered shortly. “Allow me to change.”

 

Steve huffed a little, amused and annoyed simultaneously about having to wait and how easy that had been, ultimately.

Loki came out of the bathroom maybe a minute later, but... he didn't look very much like himself.

 

When he said change, he'd clearly meant much more than clothing. His skin shade was darker, his hair shorter, and he boasted a mustache.

It was jarring, but Steve saw the wisdom of it.

Loki stood, tensed again, obviously waiting for Steve to pass his judgment.

 

“One thing--” Steve said, eyes traveling down. “Leather pants are... not exactly the norm, here. Jeans or--”

As he spoke, Loki's breeches shimmered slightly, warped, and became cloth-- like dress pants.

 

“Will this suffice?” He asked, and though there was bite to the tone, there was no real intent behind it.

 

“Yeah. It's great. That's a really useful skill.” Steve didn't think much of his words until Loki froze, then tilted his head to the side a bit.

 

“You mean that sincerely.” He said, with no little amount of wonder.

 

“Sure. I can't do that. Wish I could, sometimes. Which reminds me... if someone stops me and wants to talk, you can go ahead and just... keep going with whatever you're doing. It's... not unusual. If I get recognized.” He mumbled some of that, embarrassed again, though this time with the thought of having to listen to someone thanking him enthusiastically for his part in stopping the invasion, while Loki stood nearby, forced to listen. But he’d hear all of it eventually. It was no good trying to shield him from it.

 

Loki waved his hand, and Steve furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what that gesture meant, and Loki shook his head impatiently and made another motion towards him.

This time, Steve flinched as something came at him-- but it stopped a few feet in front of his face.

It was a picture of someone else.

 

“Who is--” Steve started to ask, but the picture's face moved as well, and he realized it was a mirror.

 

Loki had made him look different, too, with freckles and red hair and brown eyes and a beard.

Steve reached up to touch the facial hair that wasn't there, and was startled to be able to feel it under his fingers.

 

“This is-- again, incredibly useful, but...”

 

“You do not like it.” Loki's voice was flat again, and he lifted his hand, but so did Steve, and Loki paused.

 

“That's not it, I'm just curious. It's not real, right? But I can feel it.” He tugged at his beard again, and Loki huffed out a quiet sound that it took Steve a moment to identify as laughter.

 

“It is real enough, so long as I will it, though I'd thank you to avoid touching it, if you can. Keeping up the appearance becomes more of a strain when you do.”

 

Steve put his hand down immediately, sparking another round of huffing laughter.

 

“Is it a passable enough change to your likeness? Can we go now?” His tone was pointed, but the sharpness was gone. He seemed mostly amused now. Steve was glad of that. He had a feeling that an amused Loki was going to be easier to read, easier to get along with, than a grumpy Loki.

 

“Yeah, let's go.” He stepped aside to let Loki go ahead of him, and was almost surprised at how hesitantly Loki left the apartment. There were no long strides, no confident strutting, like he'd seen before.

“You afraid of the world out there?” He asked, only partially teasing.

 

“It is your world that should fear me.” Loki snapped back, but he sounded less than certain.

 

“Even if someone could recognize you-- I  _ am _ here, you know. I'm supposed to be taking care of you. I won't let anything happen to you if I can stop it.”

 

Loki sneered, but Steve couldn't help but notice he moved a little easier. He wondered what it was that he was afraid of-- the people of New York? Not an unreasonable fear. Was he afraid that Steve would just... let bad things happen? That Steve was setting him up to fail?

 

That wouldn't surprise him. And that had to be a strain on Loki, that level of paranoia.

If he couldn't find some level of peace, he'd be spending all of his time being on guard against everything and everyone.

What a horrible way to live.

 

He would have to work to find a way to make him easier. He didn't really want to be the person on the receiving end of a lash out from Loki, but he'd take that over anybody else getting hurt.

Steve locked the door to his old apartment, and, after a second's thought, handed the key over to Loki.

 

He held it carefully and watched Steve, confused.

 

“It's got a trick to it.” Steve said, almost uncomfortably under that level of scrutiny. “When you go to lock it, sometimes you have to pull the knob towards you at the same time. I kept meaning to tighten the strike plate, but... I'll bring a screwdriver tomorrow.”

 

Loki did something with his hands, and before Steve could fully process what had happened, Loki had made the key  _ float _ and then  _ disappear _ .

 

“Wow.” He breathed softly, and Loki looked at him sharply again.

 

“Surely you are not so easily impressed as all that, Captain?”

Steve gestured, starting them walking while he tried to think of the right way to answer that.

 

“Can you blame me? Magic's something we've thought about, that I've heard of and dreamed of, but that we've been told all of our lives doesn't exist. And the last time I saw it in action before today, I had to be afraid of what it was gonna do to me. It's pretty exciting to see the mundane sort of things you do with it.”

 

That managed to get them as far as the front door, and when Steve got no immediate reply, he turned a bit to find Loki keeping pace a step or two behind him, hands in his pockets and face pensive.

 

He left him to his thoughts, but kept an eye out, making sure he didn't lose him on the busy Brooklyn streets.

Loki still managed to pass up the bodega after Steve turned into it, and Steve had to reach out and grab him and bring him back.

 

Steve let go as soon as he could, though, as soon as he registered how stiffly Loki was holding himself at the touch.

“Sorry. We didn't talk-- I didn't want to call out your name.” Steve said softly. Loki pursed his lips, odd behind the other face.

It felt strange to be talking to someone else and knowing who it really was. It felt even stranger to almost miss Loki's actual looks. Not that there was anything wrong with this face. It just wasn't him.

 

“Yes I can see how that would be troublesome.” Loki drawled, and for a moment Steve wondered if he could hear his thoughts.

“You can pick something to call me, if you like. I'll respond to it. I'm rather good at growing accustomed to new names.” His words were mild, but from the slant of his lips, Steve got the feeling there was a less than happy story behind that statement.

 

He shrugged.

“For now it should be okay. Let's pick up the essentials and get you back, and we'll talk about it when we're not in public any longer. Is there anything you want? Anything you're familiar with?”

 

Loki stared at him again for a few moments, and it was no less disconcerting from this stranger's face. But finally he nodded.

 

“Milk.” Loki said. “And eggs. Flour if they have it. Butter or oil. Vegetables. Meat.” Loki listed off his essentials, and Steve saw how hopefully he was looking at him.

 

“Yeah, we have all of that here, and more bedsides. Don't worry, it can't be all that different.”

 

It was, though, as it turned out.

 

“When was this killed?” Loki asked, clearly frustrated, as the man at the register looked, bewildered, down at the package of deli meats.

 

“It is good for another week and a half?” He said, and Steve winced.

 

“That's perfect, thanks.” He hurried to say, and added a few more things to the pile to be rung up.

 

The entire shopping trip had been like this- when was the cow milked, what sort of chicken laid this egg... Loki was used to a society that produced its own food, whether through farming or hunting or gathering. That sort of information was not only known, it was vital, given that they did not have any concept of preservatives.

 

Steve was the opposite. The things marked organic, the things that advertised not having the benefit of preservatives, were things he veered away from. He was used to the mentality that the chemicals added made things safer to eat.

It was disconcerting not to see 'fixed flavor' on the ham.

It was worse to eat bananas and not recognize the taste. And inwardly, he cringed, afraid at how much the tastes would differ for Loki. Thor had never complained, but Steve also got the sense that Loki was after comfort foods, right now. And those were hard enough for  _ Steve  _ to come by-- at least he was from the same planet.

 

Laden with bags, more than he’d ever bought from the small corner store before, Steve led them back into the apartment and no sooner had the door closed behind them than Loki was dumping their spoils out on the kitchen counter and attempting to read the words on the back of the packages. 

 

And it took a second for Steve to realize that Loki was back to being himself and Steve’s beard was gone. It hadn’t even required Loki’s attention to get rid of his spell. That was chilling, but amazing, too. 

 

“Do they teach you to read words such as this as children?” Loki asked, holding up the sealed packet of sliced ham and pointing at the word ‘tripolyphosphate’. 

 

Steve rubbed at the back of his neck. 

“I couldn’t tell you. I’m not real familiar with the education system right now. But when I was from… no, it wasn’t something we knew much about at all.” 

 

Loki looked utterly unimpressed, but pulled at the tear tab on the top of the plastic envelope and withdrew a slice. 

He held it between his first two fingers, and they both watched as liquid dripped from the meat to land in a tiny puddle on the table. 

 

Loki met Steve’s eyes with an expression of such dismay that Steve couldn’t help but laugh, until Loki offered the piece to him. 

“You’re meant to be protecting me, yes? Then you should take the first taste, to be certain that the offerings of your realm have not been poisoned.” He looked back at the meat in his hand. “Or gone bad.” He added.

 

Steve wrinkled his nose, but took the ham and popped it in his mouth, dampness and all. 

He chewed, swallowed, and shrugged. 

“Hardly the worst I’ve ever eaten. Seems fine to me.” 

 

Loki looked doubtful, still, but tore himself off a tiny corner of another slice and ate it. 

 

His face did a dance through a series of small expressions, before settling on surprise. 

 

“No, not horrible.” He said thoughtfully. “Better, I suppose, than the dried hams I have had in the past. But… the odd limpness is a texture that will take some getting used to. And the thinness. I am accustomed to much thicker slices.” 

 

Steve nodded. 

 

“If you don’t like it, I can always pick you up a whole ham. You put it in the oven to cook. Sounds like that might be closer to what you’re used to.” 

 

Loki hummed, but his attention was taken now by the bread loaf. Steve winced a little. 

“I don’t know what you’re used to,” he warned as Loki pulled away the plastic tab. “But it’s real airy, and--”

 

“Sweet.” Loki said, clearly no less surprised by this than he had been by the ham. “It is almost as sweet as dessert breads, though I know this was not on the same aisle as those. If this is not dessert, what manner of sweets does your world boast?” 

 

Steve pulled a little wax paper wrapped pie out of the pile and offered it to Loki, his lips quirking into a half smile in anticipation. 

“These’re very inexpensive, but they’re pretty good.” 

 

“Cherry.” Loki noted, as he tore at the edge, revealing the sugar glazed crust. He leaned in and smelled it. “It certainly smells good.” 

 

Steve watched Loki bite into it, and nearly laughed again when his eyebrows rocketed upwards. He chewed quickly and swallowed, before fishing the milk out of its bag. 

He unscrewed the cap and took a drink directly from the bottle, which Steve might have objected to, if he didn’t find the hurry that Loki was in so nearly hysterical. 

 

“It is  _ so  _ sweet.” Loki finally said, eyeing Steve accusatorily. 

 

“Yeah. There’s some stuff that’s not as bad, but for the most part, when you get into the dessert and snacks categories, this is what you’re going to find there.” Steve watched as Loki gathered red goo and the white of his milk mustache up with his tongue, and turned away to fetch him a paper towel. 

 

“Alright. Come on, let’s get this put away and make you some real food before you fill up on junk.”

 

Loki let Steve do the work, but Steve could feel him watching, no doubt cataloging where each purchase was stored. 

 

“What do you intend to cook for me, Captain? Or is this to be my test? Must I cook for you?” 

 

Steve realized Loki was tensing up again, the ease that had been there while he was taste testing now completely absent. 

“That depends. What are you hungry for, and do you think you can make it?” Steve tried to sound pragmatic, and not like he was talking down to him. “If you aren’t ready to cook yet, then I can do it. It’s not a big deal.” 

 

“Show me how to work your cooking fires.” Loki spoke as if it was a declaration of war, and slid to his feet in a way that could only be described as regal.

 

Steve had to fight not to laugh, and he wondered if he would ever get used to this odd, stilted sort of persona in the context of the mundane. Thor was equally bombastic, but in a much more jovial way. Without the added humor, it just seemed poorly suited for the situation. Like a tuxedo in a diner. 

 

It was still funny when Loki’s ramrod straight back was all Steve could see of him, while he mixed together milk and butter and the vibrant orange powder that promised to become cheese sauce. 

 

Steve smiled at the face he made when he saw the consistency of the stuff … at least until they stirred it up, and the orange gelatinous mess just became orange coated noodles. 

 

“I question the safety of this.” Loki said, though he kept his tone light and conversational. “Perhaps I should make you test it for poison again.” 

 

Steve laughed, surprised by how much of that he’d done just in his short time there. 

 

“Well, look, you cooked it. How do I know it’s not you trying to poison me?” 

 

Loki squinted at him, then shook his head. 

“A compromise, then: we will try it together.” 

 

“Count of three?” Steve suggested.

 

“One, two...three.” Loki took his bite a moment later than Steve, but the effect was the same. Steve saw Loki’s eyebrows rise in the same way his own did, and they both looked down at their bowls with similar expressions of surprised delight.

 

“Our Kraft dinners never tasted like this. Whatever they’ve done to it since I hit the ice… I definitely approve. And it’s still almost as cheap; used to be you could get to of these for one food rationing stamp.” Steve put another forkful into his mouth. “What d’you think?” He asked.

 

Loki chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. 

“It claims to be cheese, but tastes like none I have ever had. I don’t find it completely repulsive, though. It’s… good.”

 

“Something you could imagine making for you and Thor to eat for a meal?” 

 

Loki snorted.

“To Thor’s mind, it is not a meal if there isn’t some form of meat in it, but as a portion of a meal, certainly.” But he was smiling, obviously pleased.

 

Steve beamed, glad that their experiment had been worthwhile, and he was still grinning when the door opened and Thor returned. 

He was more than happy to share the joy, but when he looked back at Loki’s face, the happiness had left it entirely. He was somber, looking down into his bowl.

 

Steve felt like he’d been somehow robbed of the moment, even though he knew it was Thor who was really missing out. For a few seconds-- it wasn’t long, but it  _ had  _ happened-- Loki had seemed happy. 

“There’s mac and cheese on the stove if you want some. Might need to reheat the sauce, though.” Steve tried to sound cheerful, but it was difficult when Loki was sitting next to him like some kind of vacuum. 

 

Thor dished himself a plate and sat down.

 

Loathe to seem like he wasn’t glad to see him, Steve asked after Jane, asked how his day had gone, made small talk. And they kept it up, occasionally trying to loop Loki into it, until Loki excused himself and took off for the room, closing the door behind him. 

 

“I am sorry for my brother.” Thor said, in a voice he clearly thought was soft enough not to be heard. Steve winced, because he knew he was wrong. 

 

“Oh, there’s nothing to apologize for. We had a good time. Or… at least I did.” He couldn’t help the doubt that snuck in. 

Had Loki been faking it? Had he dropped the act because Thor would be able to tell the difference? 

 

Thor let out a sigh of relief. 

“Then you will return?” He asked, and Steve felt bad at how hopeful he sounded. 

 

“Of course. How did the bed hunt go?”

 

“It will be delivered and assembled by a team in two days’ time.” Thor told him. “I had hoped, if you were not busy, that you would consider taking Loki out of the apartment while I have it set up.”

“Sure. I don’t have any other plans. I’ll figure out something that he and I can do together.”

Steve would have felt bad about leaving the dishes, but he had a feeling that he would be able to take care of them the next time he came over, if the Asgardians hadn’t figured it out before then. And it wasn’t like there were that many, after all. 

 

And they had to figure out how to take care of themselves and their home while they were here anyway.

 

“What time is your delivery supposed to be here?” Steve asked. 

 

“Between ten and two.”

 

“I’ll pick him up at nine thirty. I’m just gonna… go let him know, so he doesn’t feel blindsided by it.” It only seemed fair, since they were making all these decisions about Loki without his input, to at least be polite enough to give him a heads up.

 

“Thank you, Steve. You are a good friend for this.” Thor sounded grateful.

 

Steve paused on his way out, not sure why he felt so conflicted-- maybe because Thor made it sound like Loki was a burden, which… in a way, Steve supposed he was, especially to Thor. It couldn’t be helping, though, letting Loki know that he felt that way. 

“Sure.” He responded, trying to keep from sounding strange.

 

He made his way to his old bedroom, and his chest tightened when he found the door open and Loki lying on his side, his back to the door and Steve.

Like he didn’t want to risk arousing suspicion, and so he was just forgoing any privacy but what he could get himself by turning away. 

Maybe Steve was reading too much into it, though.

 

He rapped on the door jam to announce his presence. 

 

“Loki?” He called softly, not wanting to wake him if he was fully asleep. 

 

Loki rolled over, and his face was pinched and tight. Steve frowned. 

 

“Is everything okay?” He asked, his words getting tangled with Loki’s own as he asked, “Yes, Captain?”

 

Steve bit his lip, brows furrowing. Loki hadn’t called him anything  _ but _ Captain, he didn’t think, but when he’d said it before it had seemed less pointed. Less like he was trying to distance himself. 

 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading home for the night, and that I’ll be back sometime during the day tomorrow. And then two days from now, I’m going to come pick you up in the morning. I thought you and I might go out again. To one of the parks or the library, or something.”

 

“You thought you would get me out of the way.” Loki said, and though there was no emotion in his words, Steve almost staggered from the force of the accusation. 

 

“Yes-- Thor is having things delivered and rearranged and set up. He asked if I would take you out.” Steve spoke carefully. 

 

“And so no matter how kindly you try to put it, I have no choice. So what do you want me to say?  _ Yes, Captain. Goodbye, Captain. I will see you tomorrow. _ Will you be putting me on a leash, when we leave, too?” His words had turned sharp, and he sat up, forcing Steve to take a step back. 

Loki stood and advanced, and his voice rose as he went on. 

“I will not be treated like some kind of child, to be foisted from one adult to the next for minding!” 

 

He opened his mouth again to say more, but stopped, his expression turning pained. He seemed to be drawing himself up, his muscles all tightening almost alarmingly.

 

“Damn you.” He hissed, and Steve winced, before he realized it wasn’t directed at him. Thor had come to the doorway behind him, and his hand was raised. 

 

“You should go, Steve.” Thor said, releasing his grip and allowing Loki to double over as he gasped for his breath. 

 

Steve hesitated. 

“You know he wasn’t going to hurt me, right? He was just upset-- he has every reason to be--” 

 

“Go, Steven.” Thor said, and he sounded so tired… Steve sighed. 

 

“I’ll be back tomorrow. Please just… leave it be.” He tried to turn his pleading expression on both of them, but neither seemed to want to meet his eye. He huffed, then said softly, “Alright.” 

 

He let himself out and locked the door. 

He stood on the doorstep for a long minute, listening, but there was no sound within that he could hear, so he pocketed his hands and took off for the tower. 


	3. Three

He had to call and let them know he couldn’t make it the next day, which gnawed at him. He’d left them in such a lurch, but there were currently a small team of robots who had begun robbing banks, and he was being called in to deal with them. The situation with Thor and Loki would have to wait.

 

Two days after his last visit, he showed up nice and early, box of donuts in hand, in the hopes that getting the brothers to share a meal with him before he and Loki took off would ease the ruffled feathers from before. 

 

Loki answered the door when he knocked, and Thor was nowhere to be seen or heard-- which Steve thought was unusual. He worried for a moment that Loki had done something to him, but pushed that concern down, and felt bad about it, even though he knew it wasn’t completely unfounded.

 

“Showering.” Loki said, watching his face closely, and Steve felt himself flushing under the scrutiny. He knew he wasn’t even a little bit good at hiding how he felt about things. Natasha loved to tease him about it. It had to bother Loki, everyone around him always being suspicious. But if he’d noticed, he gave no sign of being upset.

“Come in, Captain.” 

 

He wasn’t as prickly as he had been the night before, but he wasn’t quite as easy as he had been prior to that, either. 

 

“I brought doughnuts. I hope you haven’t eaten yet.”

 

Loki reached forward and opened the box, peering inside. 

“Small cakes?” He asked. 

 

“Basically.” Steve agreed. “They go well with coffee. Have you had that?” 

 

“No.” Loki told him. 

 

So Steve hauled his coffee maker out of one of his upper cupboards, and was in the process of making a pot when Thor came out of the shower. 

Loki had been watching Steve use the machine, but as soon as his brother appeared, he distanced himself physically, albeit casually, going to the refrigerator to pull out the milk. 

 

“The Captain has brought us breakfast cakes and is making coffee.” Loki sounded more subdued, and Steve sighed a little, putting on a pleasant face before he turned around. 

 

Thor’s hair was still wet but he was dressed in casual human clothes, leaving Loki the odd man out in his tunic and breeches and strappy leather-- whatever that was. Vest? Steve wasn’t sure. 

 

“Ah, good, coffee-- I have missed it in my time away. Thank you, Steve!” Thor turned towards Loki, his smile falling just a little. “But brother, it is a very bitter drink. You will not, I think, enjoy it.” 

 

Loki scowled, but Steve headed off the argument by pulling out three mugs.

 

“Well we can find out; it’s ready.” 

  
  


The faces that Loki made when Thor wasn’t looking, as he gulped down his coffee-- black, even though Thor put colossal amounts of sugar and milk into his own-- would have been funny if they weren’t so obviously because his pride refused to let him put it aside, even though he didn’t enjoy it. 

 

The dozen doughnuts disappeared between the three of them in short order-- and Loki only accounted for three of those. But Steve figured they would eat while they were out, and he’d make sure he got enough then. 

 

“So, before we go… would you do your thing, again?” Steve asked, waving his hand over his face as he spoke. 

He figured that was why Loki wasn’t in different clothing, because he planned to change them. 

 

Loki’s lips twisted. 

“The illusion, you mean? Yes, I suppose I must, mustn’t I?” He waved his hand over himself, taking on the form he’d given Steve the day prior-- and that was odd, because there was still a basepoint of Steve to the look. They looked like cousins now, or something. 

 

“Will that be suitable?” He asked. Steve smiled, not yet used to the sound of Loki’s voice coming from what looked a lot like his own lips, but he nodded.

 

“Works for me, if you’re happy with it.” He said carefully, not wanting to sound vain. 

 

Thor looked back and forth between the two of them, but seemed to think better of commenting. 

 

“I thought we might go and see a movie, if you’re up for that?” Steve suggested, before Thor could change his mind. 

 

“As you wish, Captain.” Loki said softly, and Steve found that he liked that even less when he wore a different face. 

 

“Good, let’s head out then, if you’re ready. We’ll see you later, Thor?” 

He watched Loki slide to his feet and waited until they were out the door and safely away from Thor’s hearing to say anything. 

 

“Any special reason that being around Thor makes you clam up like that? Did something happen after I left last time?” 

 

Loki shook his head and sighed. 

“Thor has been… passing kind. Too good. But…” He trailed off and looked away, and Steve saw him rubbing his fingers over the weird controlling scar. 

 

“He’s not going to use it unless he needs to. We just won’t give him a reason to, right?”

 

“ _ We _ , Captain?” Loki arched a brow, and Steve could see him trying to close off. 

“I think you better call me Steve. We’re outside again, after all.”

 

“Then, ‘we’, Steve?” Loki asked, and he sounded on the verge of going prickly again. 

 

“I’m here because I want to help you.”

 

“Why waste time with doughnuts and movies, then? Why not just begin training me for whatever menial labor you mean to put me through until your realm considers my crimes to be redeemed?” 

 

Steve stared, jaw falling open, until he shook himself. 

 

“No, I-- I wanted to help you acclimate to this world first, try and make things easier on you.”

 

“ _ Why _ .” Loki demanded. “I am a prisoner, sent to you to work off a debt.” 

 

“You’re a guy who messed up. Monumentally. But just making you work won’t do anything but make you resentful. It won’t help anything, and it might even make it worse. So we’re going to the movies. And if you feel up to it after,  _ then _ I’ll take you by the soup kitchen, so you can see that in action. But I don’t want you to think we’re going to have you digging ditches or something like that. No, you used some of your fantastic powers to facilitate your invasion. It only seems right we find a way for you to put them to use helping and reverse the damage that way.”

 

Loki seemed to be quailing, shifting uncomfortably, but Steve couldn’t read his face under the illusion.

“But what I mean by we is I’m not going to let you go through it alone. Okay? I’m going to help you, for as long as you let me, and as long as you are actually trying. Promise.”

Steve reached out and clasped Loki’s shoulder, but let it go quickly when the elevator opened.

 

Loki was quiet, but Steve let him be. He obviously was working through some stuff in his mind. 

 

He’d planned on calling a cab, but he figured it might do Loki good to just be out, to walk and be around other people, once they got onto one of the main streets. Maybe if he spent more time with humans, he’d see them as more than ants.

 

He realized quickly how wrong he’d been; the second the pack of foot traffic surrounded them, Loki’s back straightened and his eyes began to dart everywhere. Hands, faces, searching for weapons or some sign of a coming attack. 

Steve knew the look. He was overwhelmed. 

 

“Here, come over here,” He urged, taking hold of Loki’s arm to tug him to the curb. Loki came easily, and Steve felt bad at how quickly Loki’s fake face went from a borderline state of panic to something defensive. Did he expect him to make fun of him for it?

 

It only took two tries to hail a cab, and once Steve had gotten them loaded in and given directions to the cabbie, he leaned his head a little closer to Loki. 

“You okay? I should have warned you about all the people, I’m sorry.”

 

“I am fine. Is that why you summoned a car? We could have walked.” Loki said it with confidence, but his eyes darted out the window, and Steve could see him growing nervous again. 

 

“Well, too late now. We’ll talk about whether or not we want to walk to the kitchen after, okay?” He was trying to be gentle and considerate. 

 

“What’re you guys going to see?” The driver asked, obviously eager to get in on the conversation. He was a slightly older man, and though he seemed chastened by Loki’s frown, Steve shot him a smile in apology. 

 

“I thought we might go see the Grand Budapest hotel. It’s supposed to be really visually appealing and sort of tonally light. Not as violent as some of the other stuff I’ve seen… I’m always surprised by how much they get away with in movies these days.” Steve confided. He lowered his voice, so that the next part was just for Loki. 

“I was in a couple of war pictures back when, and we had someone on set whose job it was to stop the production if things got too intense.”

 

“What are your stories about, if not violence? Love, I suppose?” Loki sighed. “Asgard is much the same, save without anyone to say no, and I daresay if any did, they would go unheeded. Whether it is a staging or a show with puppets, or even some of the great songs, there is never any shortage of fighting and blood and death.”

 

“I think this one is about a hotel? There’s probably a love story, yeah, and it’s supposedly got a little violence to it, but… this director does more quaint stories of self discovery than anything, I think.” 

 

“Delightful. And did you choose it because you believe I ought to discover myself? Or are you yet to find yourself, Steve?” He sounded arch again, challenging, but not mad. Not yet. 

 

“I think they make for good movies, is all. Like I said, I like the other stuff he’s done. Moonrise Kingdom is great.”

 

“Hm.” Loki didn’t say anything against going to see it, and Steve was glad, because he had no idea about anything else that was out, just then. 

 

The cabbie dropped them off in front of the theater with twenty minutes to spare before the next showing, and Steve tipped him generously for Loki’s rudeness. 

 

They had popcorn and expensive theater dogs, and Steve had to grit his teeth about the cost, even now that he’d been here a while. But he was glad that he had remembered to tell Loki not to ask him questions  _ during  _  the movie, considering the way he came out of the theater all but bursting with curiosity.

 

“And the jail--” Loki was saying, as they emerged out into the sunshine again, and Steve laughed, shaking his head. 

“That was mostly made up, and that’s not even slightly how security is anymore. You know, you saw--” 

But of course, this was when he stopped speaking, because standing in front of them and beaming was Tony Stark, Pepper Potts’ arm linked through his. 

 

“Well, what’s this? And  _ who _ is this?” Tony asked, looking back and forth between Steve and Loki’s false form. 

 

“Surely you haven’t forgotten me so soon, Stark?” Loki asked, pressing a hand theatrically to his chest. “I am positively wounded.”

 

Tony actually reeled, and Steve took firm hold of Loki’s upper arm. 

 

“Why is he  _ out here _ ?” Stark hissed under his breath, looking at the crowd around them, and Steve could see him suddenly counting them all as potential victims. 

 

“The Captain,” Loki drawled, “Thought I might enjoy a movie.” 

 

Pepper put a pacifying hand on Tony’s arm. “Not here, Tony, if you make a scene…” It was her turn to let her eyes dart around, and Steve shook his head. 

“It’s fine. We’re leaving. We’ll talk about this later.” He nearly growled the last few words, and turned his gaze back and forth between Loki and Tony. Both of them looked daunted by the prospect, but angry as well. Steve sighed. 

“Come on, Loki. Enjoy the movie Tony, Pepper.” He threw out in parting, and then he was moving, pulling Loki behind him and towards the curb, where fortunately there was a cab waiting. 

 

“In.” Steve commanded, and Loki looked like he wanted to argue, but he changed his mind quickly enough and slid into the car. 

 

He gave the cabbie his address, deciding to skip the soup kitchen. Loki was clearly not ready yet. He fumed the entire way back to the apartment, and he could see the way Loki held himself, leaning away but refusing to shrink down, proud and tense and straight backed, but looking like he was bracing for something. He kept his eyes pointed out the window.

 

“What is it, Loki?” Steve finally asked, and Loki turned his head, just a little.

“Nothing. Have your say.” Loki spoke tightly, his eyes drifting to the driver and then back to Steve as he firmed his resolve yet further.

 

“I just wish you wouldn’t poke at Tony like that. Or anybody, really, but… Tony is a good guy to have on your side.” 

 

“What you mean to say is he is a good guy. And I am not.” 

 

“That’s not what I said. It’s up to you if you want to be a good guy or not. All I said was I was disappointed that you decided to start trouble.”

 

“I said very little.” Loki pointed out.

 

“Yeah, you don’t need much. I’d be impressed if I didn’t have to be in the middle of it.” Steve tried his best not to look or sound too angry, but he saw the way Loki flinched, just the same. 

 

“Well I suppose you can have Thor order me not to be argumentative. Not to start any more trouble for you.” The way he said it, so strained and pretending to be careless-- it made Steve’s stomach drop out. 

 

“I’m not going to do that.” He said quietly. “And I don’t believe that he’d do it anyway. I feel like he knows better.”

 

“Do you.” It wasn’t quite a question, and Steve knitted his brows. 

 

“Yeah, I do. And what’s more, I think if you told him that at least part of the reason you guys are at odds right now is because you’re afraid that he’ll use that security measure to violate your free will like that, he’d tell you the same thing.”

 

Loki stared at him hard, and for a moment, Steve was certain he’d crossed a line. 

“Perhaps. I do not know this Thor as well as you do.” Loki said at last, and Steve let out the breath he’d been holding.

 

“Here we are.” The cabbie said, pulling to a stop in front of Steve’s apartment. 

 

“Thanks,” Steve said, at the same time as Loki said, “Thank you.” and Steve was surprised. 

 

He paid the man and ushered Loki inside, hoping that Thor had had all of the time he needed to get his area all set up, in their absence.

And hoping that Loki really would talk to Thor about what he was afraid of. He couldn’t imagine Thor just dismissing that. 

 

He didn’t get the chance to ask if he would, though, because the moment he opened the door, Thor was there, all eagerness.

“Friend Steve, when the moving men pushed aside your desk, we found one of your books of art. Why did you not tell me that you were such an artist?”

 

Steve felt himself flushing and cleared his throat. 

“I uh, I’m not really. Did you…” He wanted to ask if Thor had looked through all of it, but that would sound ungrateful. 

 

“Here you are.” Thor said, and handed the book over. Steve didn’t quite snatch it back, but he wasn’t far from it. 

 

“Did you get your room set up okay?” Steve asked, desperate to change the subject, especially when he saw the way Loki’s eyes were fixed on the book. He pulled it tight to his chest in response to his curiosity, though he tried to make it casual. 

 

Loki looked away and didn’t mention it, and Steve was embarrassed when he felt relieved. 

 

“The room is indeed ready. Would you like to see it?” The offer didn’t specify, but Thor was looking at Loki so hopefully that Steve almost wanted to elbow him. 

 

But he didn’t look inclined to answering Thor, so Steve took gentle hold of his arm above his elbow.

“Sure, we’d love to.” He told the other god, and Thor looked surprised by this turn of events. Loki just followed along quietly and obediently, and Steve hated this, the way Loki got like this around Thor. It seemed so unneeded, so undeserved. 

 

But at least Thor did have a room, and it was a reasonably nice one, now. Steve almost asked what had happened to his desk and the rest of it, but he reasoned that it didn’t really matter. He’d bought things more to fill the room than because he felt any particular emotional connection to them. They were familiar, but not important. 

 

And Thor looked so proud. 

 

“Looks like someone went to Ikea.” Steve said, lifting a brow as he imagined Thor teaching the people who worked there how to properly pronounce the names of the things they sold.

 

“I am told that is where these things came from, yes.” Thor said seriously. “In truth, I believe the lady Natasha made the arrangements; all I needed do was arrive at the store and bring the workers back here with me.”

 

“What do you think, Loki?” Steve prompted. 

 

“It certainly gives Thor space to be so that he might spend less time hovering over me.” 

Loki seemed to be in a foul mood, and Steve watched the excitement and pride drain out of Thor. 

 

“Brother, please-- I am _ trying _ \--” Thor began, but Loki interrupted. 

 

“Yes, very trying. And so if you will excuse me--?” He did not wait for an answer. 

 

“I apologize if this is the way he has been while with you. He seems in a poorer mood the longer he is here.” Thor heaved a sigh and sat on his new bed, which held him without complaint. “Perhaps this was a mistake after all.”

 

“I don’t think it was.” Steve assured him. “Loki isn’t like this when we go out, he’s quiet and curious and thoughtful. He… he confessed today how much he fears that bond that you have on your hand. You should try talking to him about it. Reassure him that you aren’t going to use it to completely change his personality. Or to humiliate him.” Steve frowned, remembering the way Loki had looked when Thor ordered him the last time. 

 

Thor must have, too, because he dropped his gaze. 

 

“I will try to speak with him. Thank you, Steve.” 

 

“I’m gonna go say goodbye. Let him know I plan to come in tomorrow.” 

 

“I was under the impression you had other plans. The lady Natasha has promised to be here at nine.” Steve felt his brow wrinkle as he tried to remember what plans those were.

Oh. Testing and review. Right. 

Damn.

 

“I’ll see you in a few days, then.” He told him, and turned to go out into the hallway and then to his old room, where he knocked on the, again open, door. 

 

“Hey Loki. I wanted to let you know I won’t be here for a little bit. Natasha’s supposed to come over, instead. But if you need me, everyone has my number, and worst things worst, I will see you in four days. It’ll go quick, I promise.”

 

Loki rolled to look at him. 

“Will you make a deal with me?” He asked, and Steve could see the gears turning. 

 

“What deal?” He asked cautiously, loathe to agree without knowing first. 

 

“If I behave for Thor and Romanova, you will give me something I want, some small thing. You are free to tell me no, to decide what it is, but… I would be promised a reward.” 

 

Steve thought about it, and almost laughed. 

 

“Sure. I promise you a little gift or something, if you manage to garner a good report from them.”

 

Loki relaxed, and the smug grin on his face became a slow, contented smile. 

“Very well, then. I shall see you in four days’ time, Captain.”

 

Steve would be lying if he said he didn’t spend the entire trip back to Avengers tower worrying about whether Loki even planned on coming out of his room the next day, but he figured he would at least meet with Natasha when he got back. Give her some notes, some tips.

Try to make it as easy as possible for everyone involved.


	4. Four

The next time he went to see Loki, it was with a report that he’d been true to his word. He’d been polite and quiet, followed orders and behaved perfectly. 

 

It made Steve uneasy, and a little sad-- even though he was meant to be making reparations, Loki still deserved to be allowed to have his personality. It meant less if he was good but not  _ himself _ . They might as well have brainwashed him, if that was the case. 

Which, again, seemed to be at least half of what he was afraid of. 

 

Which brought up the thought that maybe this was Loki’s way of making the choice and protecting his pride. He asked for a reward so that he would have a reason to say he’d made the decision not to cause trouble. And if he made the choice, the choice couldn’t be taken from him. 

 

Steve almost stopped in his tracks, thinking of it that way. 

 

He didn’t doubt for a second that that was what this was; Loki was smart and his mind turned like that, and that felt  _ right _ for his line of thought. And Steve hadn’t considered that when he got the ‘reward’. 

 

He looked down at the small sampler box of chocolates that he’d picked up from the same kiosk he got his coffee and paper from in the morning. All of a sudden it didn’t seem like enough-- he hadn’t put any thought into it beyond wondering if Loki had tried chocolates yet, and if he might like them. 

 

But he was already a block from the apartment, and if he went anywhere else, he’d be late. 

 

He sighed and kept going, wracking his brain for something fitting he could get or give to Loki to commemorate this first step. 

By the time he’d arrived, though, he had decided just to let Loki suggest something. 

 

He knocked and waited to be allowed in.

 

Loki answered the door and seemed… pleased to see him, in his own reserved way. 

“Come in, Captain. Tell me what adventure you have planned for today.” 

 

“No plans.” Steve said, closing the door behind himself. “I brought something new for you to try, but I figured I would wait-- find out what you had in mind for a reward, before I made any plans.” 

 

“Did you now?” Loki asked, voice nearly a purr. He smiled wolfishly, and beckoned Steve into the kitchen. Thor was there, making omelettes, or something similar to them, at least. 

 

Steve wasn’t sure what part he was talking about, but he felt a little flustered. Maybe Loki could tell he hadn’t put thought into it. Still, he didn’t seem  _ angry _ so that was good.

 

“Thor, the Captain is here to share in our morning meal. Have you made enough?” 

He was almost overly cheerful and Steve found himself smiling at this new means of gentle antagonizing that Loki was using. Thor seemed more comfortable with it as well, turning and grinning. 

 

“I did indeed. Please, Steve, sit. Loki? Some drink for our guest?” 

 

Steve could only imagine what Natasha must have done to get this much change in a single day.

“Natasha have you watching some Earth etiquette videos or something?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair while he watched, bemused, as Loki poured him a glass of orange juice. 

“Thanks.” He said, accepting it, and Loki drew away his hand quickly, but he didn’t  _ look _ upset, and again Steve wondered what exactly was going on here. 

 

“Lady Natasha,” Loki began, making a face, “spent much of the day  _ lecturing _ us on how better to blend in with the people of your city.” He looked less than thrilled about that, and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the expression he wore. 

 

“I’m sure that was very helpful,” he said somberly when he had caught his breath. 

 

“Oh, immensely.” Loki said drily. 

 

“Breakfast,” Thor announced, and began laying out plates of eggs.

So many plates, that Steve wasn’t certain where they had all come from, or how they were all still hot. 

Or how Thor had managed to transport that many eggs safely back to the apartment, because Steve had bought a flat of them, but this was at least thrice that. 

 

“So what are your plans for this day?” Thor asked, and Steve shrugged and shot a look at Loki, unsure if he wanted Thor to know about their deal.

 

“The Captain is taking me to his soup kitchen, that I may begin feeding the poor of this realm.” Loki answered quickly, and Steve swallowed his eggs wrong. 

 

_ That _ was the reward he wanted? To be taken to a soup kitchen?

It… wasn’t what he’d expected. 

 

Thor looked concerned, but loki was stalwartly ignoring as he coughed. 

“Steve? Is something wrong?” Thor asked.

 

“Yeah, no, that’s the plan.” Steve answered quickly. “Soup kitchen for a shift, and then maybe we’ll pick up some food on the way home or something.” 

 

Loki looked oddly at him at that, and Steve would have sworn he saw a flush beginning to form, until it disappeared as if by magic. Which he wouldn’t put past Loki’s vanity at all, but at the same time-- why the flush in the first place?

 

“This sounds like a good day. May I come along to this soup kitchen as well?” 

 

Loki shot a sour look in Thor’s direction, but Steve said, “Sure, the more the merrier. I’m sure the organizers will be thrilled.” Loki’s expression was then turned on Steve, and it was sullen. “Don’t be surprised if you’re put to peeling potatoes or something, though. Most of the work is in prep. Especially on days that you don’t call ahead first-- I only get to ladle when the paparazzi are there to take pictures of it. Which I’m not fond of, and I imagine Loki wants to avoid, right now.” 

 

Thor looked thoughtful. 

“Do not believe that it is my choosing to shirk from the opportunity to help, however I am rethinking my presence. As the Lady Natasha pointed out yesterday, I am…  _ unsubtle _ .” He spread his hands. “I would not draw undue attention to my brother. If you are at least known there, it should seem less outside of the norm if you bring only one slightly odd guest.”

 

“And I am the far quieter one of us. Surely I may hide in silence, if need be.” Loki added, warming to Thor’s argument.

 

“Alright. We can always set up another time, sometime, when we all go. Especially with Loki’s trick at changing his appearance, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to blend in with everyone else.”

 

Loki smiled tightly and went back to eating his breakfast, though Steve noted he was only picking at it, while Thor and Steve tucked a pile of eggs away.

 

He didn’t say anything, though, content to let Loki declare himself done and excuse himself to get ready for their outing. He would just have to make sure Loki got a good lunch later. 

There was a diner near the volunteer station that Steve liked, which had been around since before he was frozen. Maybe he could take him there, though that would be more for dessert than for the lunch. The pies were the best part.

 

Once Loki emerged, this time as-- Well, he was in his ‘Rogers cousin’ disguise, but he’d chosen something new to wear. Steve didn’t know where Loki had learned about polo shirts-- maybe Natasha, maybe TV. But it was a good look on his body. And Steve noticed that it  _ was _ Loki’s body, rather than a duplicate of his own. 

 

“Looks good.” Steve said, the praise coming before he’d even thought about it. 

 

“I am glad you approve.” Loki said, and his voice rolled out of Steve’s lips again, but it didn’t seem quite as odd this time. 

 

The walk to the soup kitchen was surprisingly easy, with Loki in a good mood, very calm, hands in his pockets and looking for all the world like he was just some guy, out for a stroll. 

“So what else did you do yesterday?” Steve asked, hoping for light conversation that wouldn’t take them out of the mood. 

 

“Very little. Romanoff and Thor went to the store, and I was left home to clean. So I read while I let the supplies do the work, and Romanoff seemed surprised at my competence when she returned.” Loki shrugged. 

“She did not say I could not use my power to accomplish the task,” he said, almost defensively. 

 

“No, that’s really smart-- what did you end up reading?” 

 

“Something from your shelf. The art of war.” Loki sounded hesitant to say as much, and Steve could understand why.

 

“That’s… a very good book, but I imagine it wasn’t what you thought it was.” He was cautious, afraid to upset Loki by suggesting that maybe Loki shouldn’t be looking for war, when he was here to make reparations for his last attempt at starting one.

 

“It is not far removed from what I expected, actually, but it is far better than I would have thought. I really believed it would sound as though one of Thor’s more literate friends might have penned it but… this man knows intimately what it is to lead and protect and be diplomatic. I really rather like it.”

 

“Huh.” Was all Steve managed, charmed and impressed in spite of himself. 

 

And then they were at the soup kitchen, and there were introductions to be done. 

 

“Luke Rogers.” Loki said, shaking hands with Cheryl, the organizer that Steve worked with the most. 

 

Steve could feel Cheryl’s eyes on him and almost hear her wondering why he’d never spoken of relatives. 

“Think you can find a place for us in the back, Cheryl? I can show my cousin the ropes, but I’d rather he not end up in the papers if someone camera happy happens by.”

 

He saw the suspicion flee her face and her eyes dart to Loki, then soften. “Of course. No one wants to be stared at, right? Come on back.”  Steve felt a little guilty for the lie, but it seemed harmless enough. 

 

“Hey everybody, these are Luke and Steve. Steve’s been here before often enough, but Luke is new, so help him out. Guys, this is Devon, Anka, Lakshmi, Tina, and Matteo.  I’ll leave you to it-- Lakshmi is in charge, for the most part, so if you need instruction, look to her.”

 

With that, Cheryl patted Loki on the shoulder and left. Loki seemed torn between staring at Lakshmi, with her headscarf, and reacting to having been touched. But the source of the touch was gone and Lakshmi still there, and they had work they intended to do. 

 

“It is not the most fun of assignments,” She began, her soft accent coloring the words, “but perhaps you will not tire of it as swiftly as most. Would you--”

 

“Potatoes?” Steve interrupted to ask, with a friendly smile. She laughed softly. 

 

“Potatoes.” She agreed.

 

Loki, Steve was glad to see, was put on stirring duty, while they added things to a pot. He couldn’t see what was inside, but it would be easy enough for him to keep it from boiling over. They were put into two groups, spread out over the whole length of the kitchen. Loki, Steve, Devon, and Anka ended up on their end, and the others drifted off to the other side, with the other stovetop.

 

As they worked, they all chatted. Even Steve, off to the side, got a few words in every here and there, but Loki kept his silence, unless directly asked a question. But he didn’t come off as snobbish, just shy. 

 

Anka talked about how she and her husband were trying for children, how they had been for four years now.  Devon came from France, and talked a little about racial tensions there-- how even though it wasn’t their language, he was still called ‘black’, and how being here he was labelled an African American, even though he wasn’t from either Africa or America.

 

Loki seemed to be interested in these stories. When it came Steve’s turn to speak, Loki turned his attention even more resolutely on Steve, and he could feel the color rising in his cheeks. 

“I used to be sick, but science turned me all--” he gestured at his body with a wave of the peeler. “Then I fought in the second world war, and ended up crashing a plane to try and keep people safe from the bombs it carried. I was frozen for seventy years, thawed a few years ago, and now I lead the Avengers. And I do this when I can, when I have time.” He grimaced. “And I apologize if you knew any of that already.” 

“Well, sure. But what about… _ you _ ? What do you do, when you aren’t saving the world?” Anka was sweet about it, but Steve still felt uncomfortable. 

“I uh… I draw a bit? And I do a lot of exercise, a lot of training… so that I  _ can _ do the save the world stuff.” He looked down at his work, though, shoulders hiking upwards, sure that if he were looking, he’d just see pity-- or worse, admiration. He didn’t want either. 

A long period of silence fell, and then Devon turned their attentions to Loki.

 

“How about you, Luke, what’s your story?” 

Steve held his breath, suddenly afraid of what Loki would say, if he would even want to say anything. 

“I was adopted, and only found out recently. There is… bad blood, among the family that took me in. I believe they regret having done so. And I’ve done nothing to make them feel otherwise. I… reacted badly to the news. I made many mistakes, ran away… met the wrong sort of people.” he paused, frowning. “At any rate, I have recently discovered who my true family was. And now I am here.” He smiled brightly at Anka. “I am working towards a new start, with Steve’s help.” 

 

And Steve felt an odd jolt at that, because he knew it was the truth. A slanting of the truth, but even so… he felt a swell of pride in his chest, for being there to help, but also for Loki. They hadn’t talked yet about how Loki felt finding out about his adoption, but if he knew anything about Loki’s penchant for understatement, he would bet that was important.

 

“Oh, that’s... that’s good. I’m glad you found somewhere to belong.” Anka moved to give Loki a hug, and he flinched at the touch so violently that he ended up upsetting the pot. 

 

Steve sucked in a breath and for a moment thought that time had slowed-- but it was just the hot liquid. Loki had flung his hand out, stopping it from splashing all over Anka. His other hand he had on her shoulder, and she looked down at it, clearly terrified at the way his hand was glowing. 

 

She took several steps back while Steve stood, and Loki did the same, bumping into Steve just as he stopped holding back the liquid. For a moment, Steve expected it to splash all over the floor, but instead it all ended up back in the pot. 

“I’m sorry.” Loki said into the silence. “I’ll go.” 

 

Without waiting for an answer, he had ducked back out the door to the kitchen. Steve looked around the room. 

 

“Is everyone okay?” They all murmured and nodded, and he sighed. “Alright. I know I can’t stop you, but I would like to ask you not to mention this to any sort of media. Like he said, he’s just trying to get his life back together and… that happened why you hugged him. I don’t know how much that might tell you about how much kindness he’s seen lately, but…”

Anka stepped forward. 

 

“Go, Steve. Tell him I’m sorry and thank you.”

 

“I hope we will see you both back here again,” Lakshmi said, approaching. “We do not turn any help away, regardless who is offering it.” 

 

Steve felt a thrill of gratitude at that; he had been afraid of their reaction to the magic, and true they were shaken, but no one seemed all that upset by it.

Learning it had been Loki, though, that might change things. But, one step at a time. 

 

And he needed to go let Loki know. 

 

“I’ll be back, for sure. We’ll see about Lo--Luke.” He gave them all a little wave and took off after him. 

 

He found Loki outside, seated on the curb. He was so drawn in on himself that Steve felt his chest clench again. 

He sat beside him and threw an arm over his shoulders, suddenly aware of how little he had actually touched the man, since a hug sent him leaping like he thought he was being attacked before. He stiffened under his arm, and then stilled himself. 

 

“I know I startled her.” Loki told Steve, voice quiet, “But I did not want her hurt. And… she won’t have realized it yet, but I did make it up to her.” 

Steve stilled, the warm feeling he’d brought with him out of the kitchen receding a bit in the wake of his uncertainty. 

 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked carefully. 

 

“She and her husband should have no further troubles conceiving now. I was trying to think of a way to offer, but when everything went wrong… I knew I would not have the chance.” Loki looked miserable. 

Steve wasn’t sure what to say to that; it was something huge for Anka. Something Loki didn’t have to do, and wasn’t looking for any sort of recognition for. Not from her at least.

“What will you do with me if I cannot be of use in the manner you had planned? I can of course return in another guise to try again, here, but…” He shrugged, and Steve took his arm away, taking the gesture as a means of shaking it off. 

It became quickly apparent that he was wrong though, when Loki looked wounded by its absence. But Steve didn’t know how to put it back without making things worse, somehow. 

 

“You being surprised and having an accident hardly makes you useless. In fact, everyone in there invited you back, already, as you are. Magic and all.” 

“Does it not strike you as dishonest, allowing them to grow comfortable around me without knowing whom they are speaking to?” 

 

Steve hesitated, but he wasn’t the leader for nothing. 

“Do you want to go back in and tell them who you are?” He asked. Offered, more like. He couldn’t help but hope…

“Do you want me to? Do you think it wise?”

 

“They seemed to be pretty accepting, but I don’t know their whole life stories. They may have been… badly affected by your invasion, and we’d have no way to know. But… if you want to, I think you should.” 

 

Loki firmed his jaw, and suddenly Steve saw what other people meant when they talked about how stubborn he looked, when he did it. 

He assumed that was a no. 

 

“Will you go with me?” Loki asked instead, and he stood, surprised but willing. 

 

“Of course.” 

 

They returned inside, and Steve gave Cheryl a small apologetic wave, one hand on the middle of Loki’s back. 

Once he’d ushered Loki through the door, Loki seemed to freeze under the others’ eyes. Steve cleared his throat. 

“I think my friend has something he wants to tell you all.” He said, and Anka looked back and forth between Steve and Loki, confused and almost accusatory. 

 

“Luke, you’ve got nothing to apologize for--” she began, but he held up his hand, and Steve saw the slightly bemused but mostly sad expression he wore. 

 

“I have much to apologize for, but before I may… I should perhaps first tell you who I am. Or… show you.”

He looked to Steve, took a deep breath, and dispelled his illusion. 

 

As much as Steve was entranced by the way his false face dripped away, he knew he should be paying more attention to the others in the kitchen. 

Matteo, who had been chopping carrots, was holding a little tighter to his knife, and Tina had covered her mouth with her hands.

  
“So.” Loki said, sounding miserable again. “As you see… I do have to apologize.” 


	5. Five

Matteo had been chopping carrots, and he'd refused to put the knife down, once Loki had showed his true face. Everyone else was... unpleasantly surprised. It had turned into a brutal round of twenty questions, and Steve was impressed that Loki had handled it with such aplomb. Now, though, away from it, he was proud still, back straight and head high, but he had yet to say anything.

 “I’m sorry.” Steve said, sitting beside him in the back of the cab on the way to the apartment, after twenty minutes of silence. “I figured that would go better. Not much of a reward.”

Loki looked at him and arched one brow.

“Good Captain, if you thought that was my reward, you are sorely mistaken. I was attempting to do something you wanted me to, that you might be more willing to give me what I asked for, when I decided to ask for it.”

 

“And what was that?” 

 

Loki shook his head. “That doesn’t matter now. I couldn’t keep up my end of the bargain, I do not expect you to do so.”

 

Steve frowned.

“The deal was you didn’t start trouble _while I was gone_. And you didn’t even start it today. You just… reacted.”

 

“It was not Anka's fault I am... “ Loki trailed off, frustrated, and looked away. He'd sounded so defensive, and Steve wondered what he meant to finish the sentence with. What did he think he was, that would make it his fault that he was unused to being hugged or touched?

 

“So what do you want?” Steve pressed. “Name it. I still might say no, but…”

 

“I wanted to ask to be allowed to see your works. Your art.” Loki was looking out the window, and Steve felt another lurch in his core. Loki didn’t look at him, but clearly took his shocked silence for his answer. “I thought not.” he said. “That’s alright.”

 

“No, it’s fine. I just-- that wasn’t what I expected. Yeah you can-- I’ll bring you one of my sketchbooks.” He was trying to think of which one would be easiest to explain. The least number of pages of the war and those from that time, all dead now. And he felt flustered, a bit, too, because this also didn't seem like much of a reward. "Are you sure you don't want something else? Something... I don't know, better?"

 

Loki did turn to look at him then, like he was crazy.

"No, that's... that's all I want." It sounded like a weak lie, but Steve didn't know how to call him on it without starting more problems.

 

The cab stopped outside of the building, and Steve looked up at it.

 

“Think you can make it into the apartment on your own?” He asked, teasing and testing. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

 

Loki nodded and got out, and it was altogether the most somber parting they had had so far.

 

Back at the tower, of course Steve ran into Tony when he was off balance and still trying to turn the day over in his mind, still trying to wrap his head around it.

 

“So you and your boyfriend going to the movies again this week?” Tony asked, in his usual flippant way, digging a little. 

 

Steve paused.

“Don't say that.” He didn’t look at his teammate, but his voice was heavy with emotion. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much.

 Tony raised his hands, but looked utterly unrepentant.

“Awh, it's okay Steve, that sort of thing is 100% acceptable now. Marriage, adoption, the whole nine yards. Pretty great.”

“It's not that.” Steve said without thinking. He had to take a second to find the right words. “I don't want anyone to hear that and think-- I just mean, Loki deserves someone in his life. I think he'd benefit from feeling wanted that way. I don't want to discourage anyone from going after him, if that's... if someone's inclined.”

 

Tony smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and he huffed out a laugh.

“And who you think is gonna want to do that?” Tony asked. "You're the only one who seems to actually enjoy being around the guy."

 

Steve stared at him blankly.

 

“I don’t think we’re going to the movies, no.” Steve told him, and walked away.

 

He went through his usual routine, exercise and meal prep and a shower and reading-- but he couldn’t concentrate on any of it. He ended up just staring at his screen. He was too busy turning everything, the whole day, over in his head. Loki trying to do the work, Loki springing away from being touched. Loki taking the blame, while fixing something that science _still_ wasn't great at.

Loki asking to see his art.

 

He was up with the dawn and spent the first part of the morning running off his lingering confusion.

Then he spent a couple of hours in his room, hunched over his drawing pad.

He’d been awake for a pretty long time when he made it to his apartment. His old apartment.

He knocked on the door, sketchbook under his arm, and waited.

 

Thor answered it, and he looked a bit perturbed.

 

“I do not know what it is you did yesterday, Steve, but Loki has been… withdrawn, ever since. He has not yet risen from his bed today, and claimed he did not suppose you would return.” Thor did not sound as if he were trying to start a confrontation-- rather that he intended to avoid one-- but Steve shook his head just the same.

“He had a little accident at the soup kitchen, and is being hard on himself about it, that’s all. No harm was done.”

It was true; miraculously, he hadn’t heard a peep about the incident on the radio, on TV, and he’d even tried googling, and hadn’t come across anything.

Somehow, everyone at the kitchen must have decided to stay silent. Or at least, they hadn't found a talking deal they thought was worth it, yet.

 

“Perhaps you can talk to him, then.” Thor said, his anger fading away into something more despondent. “I have been unable to garner a response from him since last night.”

Steve frowned at that and went straight to his old room.

“Loki?” he called, knocking. “It’s me. It’s Steve. I brought those drawings…” There was no answer, and Steve and Thor traded a look, before Steve opened his bedroom door.

Loki was laying on the bed, unresponsive, and Steve sighed.

 

“Look, Loki, I’m sorry. I know yesterday was a mess, but we can make it better today, right? Fix things? That’s why you’re here, after all.”

 

Loki gave no sign of hearing him, only blinked, and Steve stepped forward, then glanced back at Thor.

Thor just shrugged.

 

So Steve reached out to lay a hand on Loki’s arm, to try and coax him upright… but his hand went straight through Loki’s arm, and just like that, the doppleganger faded out.

 "LOKI." Thor growled, and Steve looked back at him to see his hand clasping shut. He felt that uncomfortable tightening in his stomach again, but it was better than Loki being _missing_ he told himself.

He half-hoped he'd gotten far enough away to cancel out the bond, though, that he had a chance to go and redeem himself outside of this situation. To do something else with his life beyond being a model prisoner so that he could avoid the death sentence.

 

Loki appeared a few long moments later, out of breath and shaking so hard that he stumbled and nearly fell. Steve reached out and caught him.

Thor unclenched his hand instantly, but kept his fingers curled, obviously ready to do it again.

 

“Where were you, brother?” He demanded.

 

Loki looked up at Steve.

 

“I wanted to repair… some of the buildings…” He was breathless yet, and Steve felt his eyes go wide.

That damage was only still there because it was too intense, too structurally uncertain for them to have fixed it yet. There were whole neighborhood closed off for fear of collapsing and falling debris.

 

“Thor, turn on the TV?”

When he did, it was the only story running on three channels-- five destroyed towers had been repaired overnight, as if by magic. 

And Loki had still been working-- how much time had it taken, how long must he have been gone? And what had it taken out of him, magic wise?

 

“Why, Loki? Why sneak out, why not tell anyone?” Steve murmured, and Loki pulled free of his grasp and retreated to sway on his feet a little way away from either his brother or Steve.

 

“I thought if I could begin to make repairs on my own, you might be allowed to go back to your life. I _hate_...” Loki cut himself off with a strangled noise in the back of his throat. 

 

Steve couldn’t help but frown, even as he felt his chest go cold.

 

“Did you not want me to come around any more? Because I can... we can work something else out… and if you hated being around me that much, I wish you would have let me know. Just… will you at least tell me what I did wrong?” Steve asked, feeling like he might vomit, as his thoughts went back to the casual touches he’d heaped on him. After his upset at being touched, Steve had gone out of the way to do more of it-- he was a _huge_ jerk. That was probably it. That or his talking him into showing his face. 

He'd just thought that a room full of charitable volunteers... He'd thought they would be a safe group to expose Loki to.

 

Loki hesitated, jaw tightening and lips going thin in his refusal to speak, and Thor stepped in.

“Tell the Captain the truth, Loki.” He commanded, hand again clenching.

 

Loki looked as though he had swallowed something that was clawing at the inside of his mouth.

"Thor--" Steve tried, but before he could get it out, Loki had started talking.

“My entire world involves you, now. I wake and you're there, most days, bearing food and good humor. We spend so much time together-- and I enjoy it, and then you leave. And each night I fall asleep in a bed that is beginning to smell less and less like you. That is what I hate.”

 

Steve blinked.

“What?”

 

Thor’s hand and mouth fell open simultaneously, and he let out a guffaw.

“It seems my brother has developed an aversion to your leaving, Steve.” He told him, sounding nothing but glad, but Loki looked horrified.

 

He turned and ran, slamming the door shut behind him. All of a sudden, Steve felt like a schoolyard bully. He didn't like that feeling.

 

“Thor,” Steve said lowly. “That was… don’t do that any more. Please. Bringing him back here was enough. Forcing him to tell me that… that way… That’s a violation. And I can only hope that whatever he feels, the things you made him tell me, I can only hope it’s not ruined because of how it happened.”

 

Thor had the good grace to look ashamed.

 

“How was I to know it was an admission of Love, Captain? I wanted him to be less cruel than his words may have been about you. That was all. I will, of course, apologize.”

 

“Let me talk to him first.” He insisted, and Thor waved him to direct Steve towards his own room.

 

Steve went back to his door and knocked softly.

“Loki?” He called. “Can I come in?”

 

“Why not?” Loki asked. “I’m to have nothing that is only mine, not even my thoughts. Help yourself to my space, my time.”

 

Steve hovered in the doorway.

“I only wanted to say… thank you. For trying to be thoughtful. And I’m sorry for what I heard out there. Thor and I talked, and I have a feeling we’re going to need to call Thor into the tower for some sensitivity training or something, but… as for the rest, I can ignore it, if you want. Pretend I never heard it. We can go on as we have been. Or...” He trailed off.

 

“Or?” Loki prompted, and he sounded miserable again. Steve could only hope he wasn’t wrong. He took a deep breath and took the plunge.

 

“Or we could continue with what we’ve been doing-- trying new food, cooking together, seeing movies. Only… we do it with the understanding that there's a... mutual affection--" his words ran out.

 

“Mutual?” Loki asked, clearly surprised and disbelieving, and Steve exhaled. 

“Yeah, I-- ever since you started trying. I mean, you're beautiful, don't get me wrong, but once you .... Seeing you in the kitchen, and then after, when you told me you cured Anka's infertility... You can help people, and you have a good heart for it. You're so capable of being good and kind and thoughtful… and I have a feeling that the health care professionals of Earth will all want to talk to you. That’s one sure way you can help. And we’ll find more. And we’ll take it slow.”

 

Loki uncurled from the bed and stood, stalking closer to Steve.

“Must we?” he asked, and Steve’s eyes opened suddenly when Loki kissed him. It was sweet and thorough, and Steve hadn't been kissed as well since before he crashed his plane into the ice. It was wonderful, but Steve was afraid that Loki might push for more, which, right now, would be too much.

 

“Let’s just see how it goes,” Steve repeated. He reached down to lace his fingers through Loki’s, taking his hand, and saw between them a pale silvery light glowing.

 

Steve dropped the contact, surprised. He looked at his palm, which was still glowing.

 

There, traced in perfect white lines, was the triknot, identical to the one Thor had shown Steve before, identical to the one that Loki wore even now.

 

“Apparently you are the one on this realm with whom my bond is strongest, now.” Loki told him, surprised. Thor came into the room a few seconds later, and before he could say a word, Steve lifted his hand up.

 

“I’ve got him Thor. Thanks.”

 

The concern on Thor's face faded and he looked relieved.  Then he looked between Steve and Loki, obviously working out what this meant. He looked positively pleased.

"I will have something sweet and celebratory delivered." Thor decided.

 

The two of them were left alone, and Steve looked into Loki's face. 

"Are you okay with this? I didn't know it would happen, but if... I won't use it to hurt you. I promise."

 

Loki looked… pleased. Quietly so, calmly, his smile small but honest, and the furthest thing from the grinning performance of a smile that he usually gave. It was so odd-- Loki was the last person that Steve would ever have imagined himself falling for, and yet here he was, very definitely starting to.

"I am perfectly fine with this development, Steve. I trust you." Loki leaned in and kissed him again, though this time it was hardly anything more than a peck and when he pulled away, he was smiling. And it was beautiful.

Steve was glad that Thor had left the room. This was private, meant just for the two of them, and Steve felt his own mouth twitching in answer. There was a lot of work yet to be done, lives to repair and... he'd have to find a way to tell his team, but... he looked at Loki's smile, and he didn't feel any of the anxiety he thought he probably should, right now.

And maybe it really would be alright after all.


End file.
